Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Depression

Depression lives in you, a colorless blank waiting for the right moment to leap out and grab you by the throat. You live day to day with the dread that tomorrow you won't wake-up ready to continue, but will wake to find yourself a living shell. Your body will be disconnected from your mind, and you are flat--thee is no emotion, just the knowledge you have to continue. Continue to live, because in the haze that your mind has become, you remember that there is emotion, that when you can feel again, you will be alive and whole. But first you must survive.

My world falls apart, crumbles, “The center cannot hold.” There is no integrating force, only the naked fear, the urge of self-preservation. I am afraid. I am not solid, but hollow. I feel behind my eyes a numb, paralyzed cavern, a pit of hell, a mimicking nothingness . . . . I do not know who I am, where I am going—and I am the one who has to decide the answers to these hideous questions . . . .There is nowhere to go. . . .
–Sylvia Plath